Other Cities are Painful

An extremely busy couple of weeks...and genuinely busy, not busy in my usual 'mooching around Fulham' style. I've decided I like holidays a lot, and not working really suits me - not bored yet! Helped, of course, by the fact that I've been blatting all over the place since I left London. Hard to get bored when you don't remember what day it is, or what city you're in.

First stop was Bangkok - seems a long time ago, but was not. We flew in a couple of hours late, thanks to a delay of several hours at Heathrow (what did we expect, really), and were delighted to find our transfer still waiting for us. The lovely Thai man whizzed us to our hotel, from here on in to be referred to as The Nicest Place in the World. For the grand total of about £40 a night, we got a huge, tastefully decorated room (none of that weird carpet hotels so often go in for), delicious breakfasts each morning, and the best service I have ever received anywhere, ever. Nothing was too much trouble, and everyone was just so freakin' nice. Refreshing. H1 and I had a few fun discussions about how far we could push them (we couldn't actually come up with any scenario that would make them yell 'no! Just no!' and we like to think of ourselves as creative people. We agreed that if we asked all the staff in the lobby to perform a choreographed dance to Michael Jackson's greatest, they would not only do it quicker than anyone would ever expect, but they would do it with smiles on their faces and joyful springs in their steps).

Due in no small part to this wonderful establishment, Bangkok was a fabulous experience. It was warm but not disgustingly hot, which proved to be a good thing as we kicked things off with a visit to the Grand Palace, a beautiful place that requires you be virtually fully covered up. Or so we were told - inside the grounds wandered quite a few people who surely did not meet the requirements. We toddled around there, went on to Golden Mountain (via quite a few jewellery and suit shops - thank you Mr Tuk Tuk driver) and after a quick stop back at The Nicest Place in the World to admire the service some more, headed to the Khao San Road for a classy dinner of street Pad Thai (20 baht - about 40p - and it was soooooo good - and didn't even give me food poisoning - woot) and a Thai massage.

Ow. OW. OWIE OWIE OWIE OWIE.

It cost about £4, and hurt like nothing I have ever experienced. An hour of being bent, pummeled, twisted, and punched (literally, they punched me, it's true) and I staggered back out into the street a little concerned about how much I had enjoyed it. Is this how masochism starts? Is it one short step from a Thai massage to spending your spare time slapping your own face in front of a mirror?

It can't have hurt that much, because I chose to have another one the next day. You can ask them to go a little easier, but in the interests of not seeming a wimp, and a little concern over their not-so-great English skills, my non-existent Thai skills, and the horrors that a bit of mistranslation could result in, I didn't. Instead I grin and bore it. And it was great. I left walking taller, happy and smiley (although I did wake up in the morning feeling like I had lost a fistfight with a rhino). For small Thai girls, they know how to cause some pain. If I ever have the bad luck to get in a physical fight, I hope I have one of them on my side.

So that was Bangkok. Extremely pleasant, albeit in a painful manner - I highly recommend it. And if you do go, please please please stay at The Nicest Place in the World - Pullman Bangkok King Power - not only is the name hilarious, but they will make your stay amazing. Oh now the end of this sounds like a plug. It's not. Stay wherever you like (but only the Pullman has that great name, and that's important...)

UNEMPLOYMENT

I have no job. It is awesome.

Apologies in advance if that sounds insensitive - if you think it is, maybe stop reading now. I'm telling it like it is! And it's awesome.

I know there's a recession on, and there are lots of people who are unemployed and it is not much fun for anyone (well it is, it's fun for me) but look at it this way - I just freed up a job. And I'm well aware that I'm only enjoying my freedom this much as I'm away for Christmas, so no pressure on me to start the 'new job' hunt now - what am I going to do, interview from the beach? Actually, that would be great - I'm pretty sure I interview a lot better in the sun than otherwise. I'm pretty sure I do everything better in the sun, in fact.

So this is the last entry coming out of London for a while. London, while currently snowy and sunny and rather beautiful, is also painfully cold and severely lacks family (for me anyway. With eight million people I'm sure there are lots of families for other people - not enough to go round, though). But don't worry, I shall still write about my adventures. After all, this is Condiments on a City Life, and I am off to cities - namely Bangkok, Auckland, and Napier*. Wheee! I feel I should warn you that the posts may be present, but it's entirely possible they won't be the most riveting thing ever - 'Got up....ate some breakfast...went to the beach...came home...'

Actually, I really really find myself hoping that's as action-y as it gets. As you may have sensed from the beginning, I'm not exactly devastated to be jobless. The stress levels were rising again, and really, who needs that? It's very aging. I look forward to a lovely sunny break and some family time (although not too much, gotta watch those stress levels) and then a triumphant return to London, ready to rejoin the real world (as much as I ever do, that is).

So. My last week in London. No work. Extremely busy, surprisingly. More so than when I was working, actually - not sure how that works but it seems most unjust. I ran round to the post office and the pharmacy, over and over again, because I spend an unhealthy amount of time and money in there, I went out to lunch, I had my hair done (don't hate me), I cleaned the house, and I baked cupcakes (yes, really. There's one next to me as we write).

I probably should have gone to a few museums and upped the culture levels, but no time! I actively tried to relax for health's sake, and avoided newspapers for the same reason, then found myself using the time I would have spent reading the paper to stress about the fact that in less than 24 hours I will be expected to wear a bikini, and the last few months of cold weather and socialising have not exactly been conducive to that (stupid cupcakes). Net result - I am marginally thinner and worryingly uninformed. A friend last night mentioned how happy she was that the BA strikes had been found to be illegal, and I, knowing nothing of any of this, nodded enthusiastically and shouted 'me too!', hoping noise would cover up my stupidity. Really must glance at the headlines once at the airport.

Which is very soon! Must finish packing. For a lot of small summery clothes, they really take up a lot of room. Oh, say hi if you see me - I will be the girl in the fashions from 2006 (not having required summer clothes since I moved to England).

For now, ka kite - will be back soon with some highly entertaining and relevant news (bragging. I'm going to brag. You know it and I know it. But read it anyway).

*H1 is convinced Napier meets the requirements of a city. I'm less convinced. It only has one Starbucks, to begin with - in London, it wouldn't meet the requirements of a street. But ok, for arguments sake, it's a city...

Ooops. Sorry.

I've been having an internal debate with myself, over whether or not to mention the fact that I've been AWOL for an embarrassingly long time now, and whether or not to apologise for that same fact. I feel it can't go unmentioned - however, I don't want to seem presumptuous, and apologise for not being around, when you may not have even noticed.

So if you did notice, I'm sorry, and if you didn't...well, I guess you have your own life going on, and it's not all about me*.

Where to begin? Believe it or not, I've been incredibly busy, zooming round this little city of ours trying to get ready for Christmas, which has shocked me in an absolutely terrifying way, like a surprise party - it's meant to be something nice but actually just scares the crap out of you. Many of the things I've been up to have been peculiarly English, like struggling through Carnaby Street in the rain while shop assistants are rude to me before I meekly give them all my money, or drinking my way through everything (a highly effective way of dealing with both the rain and the rude shop assistants). Some have been rather Kiwi, such as chopping Eskimo lollies into fours to make lolly cake (the best bit is when you cut their heads off and pretend they work at Ben Sherman**).

And like most of my life, lots of stuff has been in that middling ground where English and Kiwi meet - in fact, one of the the recent highlights was watching the English and Kiwi meet at Twickenham to play a not exactly rousing game of rather half-hearted rugby. Good fun though, and nice to sing the anthem in a spirited blast of patriotism (even if I'm pretty sure my singing voice is so bad it's actually an act of treason for me to do so).

There have also been quite a few parties, quite a few lunches, quite a bit of shopping - and even, believe it or not, some exercise, mainly because a lifestyle of parties, lunches, and shopping doesn't seem to be conducive to a balanced weight without it. And I need a balanced weight, because it is very cold, so I need to be able to fit my clothes. No clothes is not an option right now (anything short of being swathed in a giant duvet is not really an option right now, but I'm struggling to fit it into my lifestyle, to be honest. I'm not a quitter though - watch this space).

So that's about it - a very very quick catch up. Again, apologies - I won't keep quiet for so long again (keeping quiet is so not my style!) Will be back shortly, I'm sure with more stories from my suddenly outrageous social life. And that's not meant to sound show-offy, so I hope to heaven it doesn't, because God I miss my couch!

*It's totally all about me. I just say things like that to sound good.

**Hey, why the heck not, it's Christmas - don't go to Ben Sherman in Carnaby Street unless you enjoy being alternately ignored and insulted. Aaaah. That made me feel good.